New Discovery

2009-08-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

OMG! its been almost an yr that i havent updated my blog..earlier i wudn update for a month and say this but its been really really long this time. and since i call this an all together new blog let me make it very different from what i have written before. Yeah but one thing will be common i had not much of a knowlege to display earlier too and neither do i have that today. so in a way i dont think i have grown intelligent over the past months. But just like the political scene of US has changed drasticallly over the last few months even my life has changed much more than my mere status:-)..But anyways as they say all change is inevitable and so was this one.

So with so many changes around i decided to change my style and presentation. Thought let me make it more colorful so that the color gets reflected in my life. ha ha..nw does that mean that my blog adds color to my life? well dont know but it will sure add colour to yours if you read me. hmmm...but however one thing is for sure i have become more useless and all that i just wrote very well proves that. But no worries i still see a positive streak..am warming up;-)

Chance or choice

2008-10-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

I read somewhere that destiny is more a matter of chance than a matter of choice. At that time i believed it was complete crap. Something that was better said by people who wanted to live a life of convenience and the ones who were in the usual habit of blaming it on destiny.

But as years moved by and after i had made a few very significant decisions of my life(i dunno if 'I' made them...not sure) i realised that the above aphorism was true. Time had revealed to me that all that we do in life does become our destiny but it may not always be our choice. Or it may be that things fall into our way in such a way that it becomes our choice to choose what we choose!

Well that did make me envy those who proudly declared that they made their own destiny because if you would happen to ask them the details it would sound that they really are the ones who made their destiny.
Hmmm...but all said and done. Their things are for them and they have nothing to do with me as all of us have our own lives to live and our own circumstances to endear.And its also that all of us have to hold the responsibility of all that we do in life or even think of doing. At the end of the day what i do, whether by chance or by choice, is something that is meant to happen to me and so it happens. And when i think of all this the confusion between chance of choice becomes totally redundant!isin't it?

Colours

2008-06-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

The fly on that glass was never so beautiful.The ant in the key hole had never seemed so interesting. The glass covered with vapors was never so tempting . The scratch on the cover of the book had nevr before been so inviting... Somethings going wrong or perhaps evrything is falling into place..or it isnt..may b not..yes..no can't say!

All the colours of life are right there. visible. vivid. distinct.attractive. But why cant we reach out. May b we try. try again, and again...yet again. but they disappear. right when we are just about to hold them and collect them in the shallow of our palms. we close our eyes...hoping that the color fizzles out. but it doesnt. What we see is a whole new spectrum. colors one over the other..hazy but colourful. We enjoy it. primarily because we want to. Its been too much.
we had been looking for them everywhere. Here and there but they were right there beneath our very own eyelids.!:-)

Lolita!!!

2008-03-09T06:52:00.000-07:00

Nobokov's Lolita is a very widely read book..but when i was frittering through its pages i cudn really understand why??..Why did the book hav to be a reader's delight when i found each of its pages utterly repulsive...the way the entire character of Humbert Humbert has been brought about is ..abhorrent..thats whre i guess lies the writer's mettle!!

H H is a pedophile(in his forties) who claims to be in love with a 12 yr old Dolores Haze...the way he describes the child..imagines her..and writes about his sexual escapades with her is disturbing..to the extent that one feels like dashing the book straight into the bin....
He gets married to her mother only to do away with her later on and com in immediate contact with his so called nymphet!..he loves her exploits her..does evryhting to her....and still calls her his daughter...and the child has no where to go bcoz she has no other guardians...until she gets rid of the pervert...only to find a man closer to her age and live with him(she is 17 then)....

H H is a..sinner.. pedophile..a psychopath....maniac who commits crime...murders...and above all incest!!...his perception of evry little girl..as a sex object..a nymphet is hateful...n throughout the book he justifies himself by vocalizing his love for Lolita...n let me tell u none of his justifications are convincing...

Towards the end Lolita decides to live her life her own way..while HH realizes that throughout his life with Dolores he never cared about her feelings..he could never see the shadow of darkness in her eyes..he realises that he had robbed a 12 yr old of her childhood..and subjected her to irreparable damage..physically...psychologically...mentally..morally..evry possible way!

The subject matter taken up by the author is very sensitive. The book brings about an emotional turmoil in the reader...mayb the book is trying to sensitize us towards the existence of the domination of a bigger n more sinister social evil!

Jonathan Livingston Seagull

2008-03-06T03:44:00.000-08:00

Its a master piece!!
Different readers sure have their own interpretation of any piece of literary wrk...here is my understanding of the finest tales evr written by Richard Bach
Envious of the eagle and the other highflying birds JL tries to ape them..The question..if they can than why cant he always irks his mind...The other gulls of his clan declare him an outcaste..an outlaw only because he tries to make an effort to do somthing that he is not meant to do..Seagulls are low flying..even an effort from them to do somthing that they are not naturally mean t to do is considered outrageous.. The end ..the innocent JL is left all alone among his people. He decides to abandon them and move to an isolated place where he can practice away from the prying eyes of his peers.

The book is about his struggle ..about his bending the rules...about thinking, perceiving, dreaming and doing somthing that no one wanted..rather tolerated him to do. He dedicates his entire life..becomes old only to teach somany other young gulls the art of flying high!!

The book is pure inspiration...which made me speechless at the realization of how our lives have blended them selves so well with the society and its norms that we hav lost ourselves..forgotten our existence .....to become what we are and what the society thinks that we are supposed to be.

I can't please everyone!

2007-12-02T08:22:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i feel that the only attempt to please anyone is an act as foolish as it can be. For how long and to what extent can we fore go our happiness for pleasing others? I don't say that one should become selfish but always listening to what others feel and think is right for you , is a sure shot formula for failure.
I am really not bothered if any reader doesn't agree with me. of course most people feel that one should listen and pay heed to what others have to say coz after all we live in a society where its very important to follow the rule of coexistence. Alright then good for you. Keep listening to the world and the world will put all hands together to ruin you and shatter your very existence. Listen to others but follow your mind and heart. Its always so very important to not to let go of your individuality. It is so very essential to be happy and take responsibility for ones actions and decisions and even of ones own failures. You may end up being wrong once but believe me we all learn from our errors and its certain that sooner or later we will get what we want, hope for or desire to get. Others have no idea what goes inside us. No one can know, no matter how much one claims to know coz its something even we need time to figure out. In our attempt to please the world we are just neglecting our own selves .even if it brings us happiness for a while we will land up becoming the dupe of every nonentity in our lives. if u still disagree then just ponder over every action u did in an attempt to please anyone. Cmon do it just now and u will find the answer.

Dont need a title!

2007-09-24T09:46:00.000-07:00

Its been so long i neglected my blog. Infact i neglected myself all this while. Just thought before i am deprived of my blogspace on account of not using it its better i write something. Something thats breaks my indolence. Something that wakes me up from my slumber. Something that shows me a direction. Something that navigates my way through the present situation and testifies that there is some pleasentness about life. Thought i should scribble something..what if it carries no meaning...what s the big deal if people find it poppycock..whatif noone bothers to read..no matter what!.atleast the words would be mine. Thats something no one can deprive me of!
Writing always brings so much relief.. I dont care even if its egregious. Just dragging a few expressions out from the canopy of abstraction gives a sense of satisfaction that i exist. That there within me lies a being who lives. Who thinks. who feels. who is happy when others are happy. who feels guilty at smiling when some ones in dolour.who has this urge of doing some little thing to light up someones life. who feels that life has no meaning if its for our selves.
Writing is also a means of realising oneself. Its meditation, introspection, insight..its evryhting..everything one needs to find out. ..to discover. And in the process i find my self..if not today..mayb tmmrw!

The Kite Runner

2007-06-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

Recently i finished reading the Kite Runner by Khaled Huseinni....Amazing book! I must admit that it has been after a long time that a book has cast so much of an impression on me. Almost indelible..
The story is full of pathos...and is so intricately reflective of the life and the problems simple ppl have to face because of the existence and continuous reinforcement of these artificially created...redundant barriers of caste, class, religion and race. The story , set up in Afganistan, depicts the lives of two boys..age mates..brought up together...one a pashtun and the other a hazara . How their lives are so much different and the differences attributed to who they are.
One living a comfortable life until the emergence of the Taliban while the other being deprived of the same and subjected to continuous insults , humiliation , mortification, dishonor and even death.

The book just left me all dazed with tears in my eyes as to why this ever happened. Why do people though educated and well brought up let such injustice happen. Why cant the human race understand that life needs to be lived happily. What is this fight for? Who is going to carry these lands to his grave? Which religion empowers man with the right to deprive others of their right to live? What satisfaction does man get in ruining someones peace and satisfaction?

I wish we had some answers to these questions.

Route to Happiness

2007-05-08T10:19:00.000-07:00

"Happiness is an occasional episode in a life full of pains."

Shakespeare has been so true with this. It's no doubt a rare phenomena. Its just that our entire life we keep looking for it but don't get it. Actually we dont even look for it. We just sit back and expect it to come to us , not understanding the precariousness it comes with.
The one and the only way to get it is to find it. And if u can't then invent it. Dig it. Explore it. Let it debouch from the depths of your being. Give it a shot ! and u will find it somwhere very close to yourself. Somewhere at a place where u had never expected it. Concealed somewhere very close to you.
Once you find it. keep it. Do not let it estrange your mind and heart. Allow it to permeate within yourself. Feel it penetrating within. Strongly hold this winsome spectacle and let it douche out all worries , troubles and pathos. Give it sometime. allow it to spring clean ur mind and soul and turn them impeccable.
Then see ur world changing. From sordid to splendid. From terrible to terrific....and enjoy the transformation ...relish the magnificance from the vantage you love.

Strange feeling!

2007-04-02T09:20:00.000-07:00

Well the last month's blog entry forced my friends to comment that it was far less interesting than the entries i wrote to express my feelings!!...but to tell u the truth all feelings cannot b expressed..atleast not like this!! and neither is it an easy job...feel.. it takes a lot of guts.To some your feelings may even sound a bit pseudo social...Whatever may b said about it..it makes not much of a diffence atleast to me..As i feel that human emotins and feelings are never static. They keep changing according to time and situation..and in most cases we seem to have absolutely no control over them. and to assume that our feelings for others do not change or are not supposed to change is like putting ones self on the conveyor belt and not expecting any sensations!What is then imperative here is to have some knowledge of human psychology and try to understand the strange feelings that other people undergo....and in certain other cases not to b over assuming .
Its very true that expressing ones feelings, desires and emotions can b very scathing at times..but lets not try to find or see a treeline everywhere and in every situation and become to conclusive about things said or done to us..I guess our life in itself is a learning experience and there is so much that we learn and discover about ourselves each day...and..if that happens with us..lets not forget it happens with others too..So lets stop asking the why and how of every darned thing , comment or remark considering it as a sharpnel on ourselves .
Lets try to be at peace with ourselves and let the others be what they are...and if they cant let you be what u are then chuck them!!

Time Machine

2007-03-12T10:31:00.000-07:00

Very often the idea of time traveling invades my mind and thoughts. At one point of time it became such untenable obsession that even my catnaps were replete with waggish dreams of my space excursion. After reading this book, whose author has long abandoned my memory,’ The time travelers wife’, I was all the more inspired! So to dabble my knowledge over the description of Einstein's paradox I would like to share something with the ones interested.
Before i tell you about it one must know that traveling in a space ship, apart from the adventure quotient, also provides its users with an additional benefit. Well so to say, entering into the scuttle assures that anyone shuttling through space is definitely going to age at a retarded pace in comparison to his earthly sibling!( That’s why time travel) Now before my information and understanding escapes through the smokestack let me type it down.
Einstein’s paradox-
Well Einstein used 2 clocks for his experiment. One got the esteemed opportunity to time travel at about 3*100000000 m/sec i.e. the lightening speed. (Oh! I am so jealous, I can only sit back and dream while the clock even does it!). After many years when the spaceship landed in the earths sacred premises it was discovered that the clock on it had traveled slowly in comparison to its not -so –fortunate counterpart.

Conclusion- Time moves slowly when objects are in motion.

The same was repeated on earthly twins. (Wish I had a twin sister! That would accelerate my chances of being a part of the experiment…boohoo!) At the end of the travel, the interstellar sibling was younger adding to the envy and anxiety of his relative on earth.
The paradox exists because according to the laws of physics the one on earth should have been making the other go green with envy because the earth is also in motion, but as a matter of fact it happened the other way round!!!

Conclusion- I still haven’t traveled through time! I hate Einstein!

Dare to dream??

2007-02-18T02:58:00.000-08:00

Well last night i had a strange dream..and i found myself transported to completely different place..the place i had literally never dreamt of in my wildest of dreams!..Gosh as ever i am trying to confuse you..but lemme tell u the truth..this was darned exciting..i found myself at a birthday bash.whose?? i have no idea! where?? i dunno!..and u dare not ask me how! i already told you that!..i closed my eyes and scuttled my way thorough the night to reach the unknown place...Nevertheless the dream sounded wasteful..but it did coax my imagination to a point.What the hell inspired such a dream..Afterall i hadn't been thinking of attending one the whole day.infact i have not attended one in weeks now!(maybe here lies the point!)
I read a book on dream analysis which vividly states that dreams are the manifestations of our repressed feelings and emotions..and like on most issues i clearly agree on this one too...but sometimes these so called manifestations are really revealing..and one tends to end up completely embarrassed of ones own thought process..take for instance once my friend was really upset over something and when asked repeatedly she dabbled the reason..she had a nightmare! now am sure u wud like to know what it was...hmmm..she said the whole night she was surrounded my snakes and she kept running to save herself and was sure she wasn't going to s successful in escaping the situation..and felt suffocated in the dream. and all the while she was conscious that she had been dreaming but just cud'n manage to snap open her eyes. and when she finally did the same she found herself sweating profusely as if it had been real!
Well my prior knowledge hinted that dreaming about snakes was reflective of an urge for sex and when i gave this explanation she was flabbergasted and assured that this was never an idea on her mind.
I just laughed over the issue and was assured that it wasn't just possible to interpret different dreams experienced by different people on the basis of a single yardstick!...now what attending a birthday bash of someone unknown would mean is yet to be inferred by me!

Flight

2007-01-22T09:40:00.000-08:00

Will this confusion..this indecision..ever come to an end? or is this the way i am ?so much so that i can never change the way it is? what am i a slave to? Am i enslaved to my own thoughts? Well I dont know!..and i have almost given up. there isint a point in fighting. After all who am i fighting against? It is my own self.....and i have realised that one can bicker down all odds but not against ones own set frame of mind. I am irritated , suffocated...and bound. as if i am handcuffed and cannot break apart the chains i feel i am tied with..But when i give it a deep thought..when i try to fathom the reality i feel i am good , i am fine and its all so perfect! then why such inflexions? But then i am sure all of us have a small little bird hidden in the crevaces within us and it yearns for a flight to getaway from where it is. and each time we promise ourselves that we shall let go of it. but we never do that simply because we cant ever muster the courage for the same. So its quite understandable that if me or you think that way we aren't abnormal! its just that our limitations outdo our sense of self and we cannot help it. And so we pretend to become complacent and impress upon others that we sure are smug enough even though the little birdie still troubles us. We pacify it and it sleeps only after the reassurance of another pleasant dream. After all this dream is definitely better than anything else.

Aimless

2006-12-07T08:48:00.000-08:00

Aimless
Sometimes i feel like an aimless wanderer..searching for something. but all i can do is to search..but searching what? if i knew that i wouldnt be aimless. Well thats so confusing. I feel its quite an enigma. some people are just so sure abt what they want . Their prerogatives are straight. Their methods and moves are planned. Their ways are practical and their thoughts are focussed...But there are some like me..hunters..hunting for objectives in life , for motives to self inspiration , continuously groping..almost in the dark. Well i often experience that the destination seems so clouded that i can't see it myself..or is there any destination at all? May be life is this constant travel...but that explanation doesn't pacify me or satiate me..it rather irks my being, it irritates me. disturbs me. but then i pretend. pretend that all is fine....and i look around.All is actually fine..perfect..the way it should have been..better than wat others might perceive it to be!..and this makes me feel i am just too fastidious, complaining, cribbing ( but do i actually ever complain?)and that i just dont know how to live..and maybe in my earnest urge to reach my destination i was missing out the fun of the travel!..i get confused..dont know wats right...and my peeved mind decides to take refuge in the pages of a good book...Then comes the catharasis...which brings me peace. It makes me feel that the whole idea of rummaging around is just about useless. let life guide itself...let me be a silent spectator!

2006-11-27T05:54:00.000-08:00

New Discovery

I have lately felt that discovering ones own self is a very cumbersome task!!..and it isin't something one has to make a deliberate attempt for...It happens. as we move forward in life we learn that we were so wrong!leave aside wrong opinions about others , we can just be so erroneous about our very own selves!
But then what do we do??? Is brooding over it..and contemplating for days ..the right solution? Can we for the rest of our lives keep feeling bad..or for that matter keep feeling haplessly sorry for ourselves???

On my very own path to self discovey i noticed that there was so much more about me that was vieled..there was so much that had to be unravelled and noone but just me could take up the task of doing the same...but then my practical sense was encountered by another flabbergasting question!!
....."Was is Necessary?"
I mean my life is going smoothly..sailing like a ship with many sails..then why do i need this turbulence?
Is it not alright just the way it is..i mean i am happy..so why change at all?..but then i was reminded of an inspirational quote which reads..
" A ship is always safe at the shore..but that is not what it is meant for."
And i decided to move on.

Thanks for reading